Feeling Prickly

My therapist uses the word "prickly" for times when I feel exceptionally irritable.  I've definitely felt that way today.  I go from being extremely sluggish, to forcing myself to do things.  Simple things, like cook dinner for my family.  Aren't I supposed to be a good wife and mother and do things for the family like any NORMAL wife and mother would do???

My husband sent me a text today that he wanted something specific for dinner.  He asked me to make some protein pancakes and then a high protein dinner.  I was absolutely exhausted and really all I wanted to do was go home, sit in the dark and let everyone find something simple for dinner.  That's what I do most nights anyway.  I was feeling guilty because I'd felt so sluggish today, so I forced myself to go straight to the kitchen when I got home and prepare a high protein dinner and make a batch of my pancakes for the week.  I cleaned the kitchen as I cooked and I was actually feeling pretty good about my efforts. 

When my husband got home, he commented on how the dinner wasn't really how he "preferred" it.  I was crushed.  Why do I go through those efforts?  He tried to tell me he loved my dinner, but if I had just changed it a little bit it would have been perfect.  This specific dinner has been an ongoing struggle; its chili, but he prefers it with less beans.  Apparently, there were too many beans for his liking...

So I of course, got aggressive and defensive and flew off the handle.  I told him for now on he can make it himself.  That I was so tired of putting efforts into things and then it not being "good enough".  I know that I was extremely sensitive and I probably took his critique harder than necessary, but I felt terrible that he didn't recognize my efforts. 

I wish that I had the tools to just talk myself down; I hate getting so upset and hurt over such silly little things.  It ruins the entire night for me.  I feel absolutely horrible and there are no words for me to explain myself or help him understand how I'm feeling.  Its a scary feeling and often times it makes me wish that I was just alone...then I couldn't be so aggressive towards the people that I love.