Perspective

I think that the hardest thing for me through my struggle with bipolar disorder, depression, craziness...whatever the label, is that my perspective constantly changes and sometimes, I have two perspectives at the same time.  I can almost dettach myself completely and watch the train wreck of my life.  I understand everything that is going on around me, I know my emotions and my reactions do not properly reflect what is happening (they are often blown up, although sometimes I'm completely apathetic).  Its frustrating; to think one thing and express another.  I literally have no control over what comes out, even if it is not at all how I feel internally.  Does that make sense?  Of course not.  NORMAL people express how they feel, they don't express things they don't feel or think!

For example, today, a completely normal laid back day.  I'm doing household chores yet I find myself in complete panic, totally overwhelmed, hating life and wondering when the day will finally be over because I just can't handle the stress of it all.  Stress?  What stress?  I'm clearly having a "what the fuck?" moment.  If I could just unwind or get myself to calm down.  I need to look around and realize that there is no stress, no pressure, and no impending doom. 

My therapist thinks that's wonderful that I can recognize when my feelings don't align with my life.  I think that's a crock.  How is it wonderful that someone can recognize how coo coo cachoo they are?  Her reasoning is I could just be completely oblivious to it and just feel miserable without realizing that there's nothing to be miserable about...got that?  I guess her point is at least I can try to talk myself down.  My take on it is, I know my feelings don't make sense, I try and talk myself down, I can't so then I'm just frustrated with myself and my whacked out emotions. 

So, its all a matter of perspective, however, I can't always get the right perspective of life to shine through my feelings.  How do we train ourselves to feel properly?  If anyone has the answers, I'd love to hear them!